Top 10 Date Questions

Our Top 10 Questions to Ask on a Date 

Sometimes dates can be awkward. It could be it’s the first date and you’re not sure what to talk about or it’s the second date and you’ve already exchanged all the pleasantries!

Either way, it’s always good to have some back up… So here are our top 10 questions to ask to keep the conversation going!

(NB: Don’t ask them all at once, you don’t want it to turn into an interview!)

  1. If you could have any job aside from the one you have now, what would it be?
  2. What was the most memorable family trip you took as a kid?
  3. Which family member are you closest too?
  4. What was your favorite age?
  5. What’s the last movie you saw?
  6. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try?
  7. What’s your hidden talent?
  8. What’s your favorite joke?
  9. Would you ever get a tattoo?

Bonus 3 questions if you’re feeling confident! 

  1. What small seemingly insignificant decision had a massive impact on your life?
  2. If you could have the answer to any one question, what question would you want the answer to?
  3. If you unexpectedly won £20,000, what would you spend it on?

Questions are a great way to break the ice and keep the conversation flowing. It’s a chance to get to know the other person and it can give you an insight into whether you’d want to see them again!

Next time you’re on a date, try one or two of these conversation questions and let us know how it goes!

5 Key Things to Remember When Dating

Here are our 5 top tips for dating this summer. From making the best first impression to planning that second date!

Make a lasting first impression

Be confident, make eye contact and remember to SMILE!

Don’t limit yourself

Dating is a fun way to meet new people and explore what you want in life, and a chance to figure out what you don’t want. Have fun, enjoy the experience and learn!

Know your dealbreakers

Enjoy dating and meeting new people but also be aware if there are any things you feel are non-negotiables in a partner. If in conversation, she says she never wants to have kids and you’ve already picked out the names for all 3 of yours – best to stay clear (NB: Keep these to 2-3, you don’t want to limit yourself completely).

Be the date you want to have

It takes two to tango. Put your phone away, be engaged in conversation and don’t bring up your ex. Ensure you’ve put all efforts in to make it a great date.

Date Number Two

For the second date, go and do an activity that you can both do together. It could be a painting class, mini-golf or even an archery session. It’s good to see what you’re both like outside of drinks and dinner. It’s a chance to let loose and really see how you are together!

Dating is fun so be yourself, have a good time and see where the date takes you. Let us know how the date goes!

Men: How to Get That Second Date

Men… Let’s talk about you!

(Women, before you disappear, it’s worth a read to gain some insight into how men work. Trust us.)

Did you know studies have shown that men only use around 3000 words per day, with women using a range of 7000-20,000 words per day?!

Now before you jump back and worry that I’m going to make you use a 1000 of those words right now, think about this… If women use around up to 20,000 words per day, conversation must be an important aspect for them right?

On a first date, it’s important to build on connection vocally. Ask her about what she likes to do in her spare time and what her job is like. Women work on rapport so they want to know you’re interested in more than just the ‘facts’ of life.

(Women: This let us know that when a man is sitting there quietly, it really isn’t a reflection of you… He just really likes keeping the words to 3000!)

Top Tip: We recommend coffee dates for those first meetings. You can focus on getting to know each other without the nerve-wracking idea of having to worry about whether you have food in your teeth or on your shirt!

Did you know 52% of women rated personality as the most important factor when choosing a romantic partner, along with 53% of men? Something both men and women can agree on is personality is key.

Although looking good is important, focusing on how showing the best aspects of your personality is vital. We know it’s easier to talk about the facts of what you do but how about letting her know what you like to do when you’re not working or what your favourite film is?

Top Tip: Women want to know about what you’re like, not what you do. Show off the best sides of your personality and leave the business talk at work.

Studies have found that women take up to 3 minutes to make a judgement compared to men who take up to 5 minutes.

A later study concluded that physical attraction, along with positive social behaviours, determine whether someone would have a relationship with you.

Those first few minutes are essential. Yes, some of those minute will be based on a physical aspect (attraction is still important, be sure to look your best without trying to hard!). However, some of these moments will be based on your social interactions on the day.

Top Tip: One of the first things women pay attention to is how you talk to the waiter or the people around you so make sure your manners are present! Be sure to keep appropriate eye contact and get on your best smile!

(Women this goes for you too, so be sure to have your best smile ready!)

Try it out and let us know how that second date goes!

Rejection: A Female Perspective

“We cannot change the actions of others, but we can change how we let it affect us”

In the last post we talked about how rejection affects us all and how, sometimes, the rejection we experience may not be personal but instead an outcome of what someone else is going through. In order to help us understand the difference, we suggested splitting an experience into 2 lists to distinguish what really happened – and what we felt happened. This enables us to separate feelings from fact; ultimately, allowing us to realise these experiences had nothing to do with us at all.

This month we decided to ask a few people* about their stories of rejection  and the decisions they made from the experience. This is to illustrate to our readers that  everyone experiences what is perceived as rejection and how we let it affect us.

 

Anna | 36 | London

I was in a relationship with this guy for about 4 years. We got along really well in the beginning and I knew that he liked me. However, his work (he was a doctor) meant that he had a hectic lifestyle and looking back, I don’t think he had time for a proper relationship. Due to his work schedule, and the fact he lived quite a distance away from me, I was always having to plan my life around his and I felt I was the one making all the effort.

What did you decide? I felt that I was second best to his work, family and social life and that his lack of effort was a reflection on me. He preferred the situation the way it was because it was best for him. Since that relationship I’ve found that I don’t make enough effort with guys and I get put off really easily. I’m so adamant that I won’t get myself in a situation like that again so I won’t entertain someone who doesn’t seem like they have enough time for me.

Jess | 24 | London

I dated someone last year, who on paper was my perfect guy. He ticked all my boxes and it seemed that it would work well with my family…he was basically my ideal guy. However, as we got to know each other and went on more dates I found that he would take longer and longer to reply to my messages and he would keep coming up with excuses about why he’s been so distance. It went round in a circle a few times before I eventually stepped away from that relationship.

What did you decide? I decided that, if the next person I date, isn’t consistent with his communication then I won’t put up with it. I felt that his lack of attention was personal to me as he always seemed to be on his phone. It made me feel insecure, so I decided that I’m going to set my rules and hope to not experience something like that again!

  

Bhavini | 28 | London

I met a guy online and we were dating for a few months but then out of the blue he said he couldn’t date me anymore because he had too much going on (but I think this was just an excuse because he had been acting distant before then). I didn’t hear from him soon after that.

What did you decide? At the time I felt used and annoyed at him and the situation, so I decided that I would be more laid back about meeting someone and not be so active because I didn’t want to feel used like that again.

Rochelle | 26 |London

I was in a relationship for about a year and a half (on and off) and found out during the last 6 months of the relationship that he had cheated. We talked about it and I decided I could deal with it and we could move forward. However, I eventually found out he was talking to another girl and decided to no longer continue that relationship. 

 What did you decide? I decided that I wasn’t pretty enough or I was missing something because why else would someone cheat, right? I also think I decided that this was something that men would always do and it left me with a lot of trust issues. I decided to keep my guard up more next time and not be so vulnerable and open with someone as I once was.

So…what can we take away from these stories? It’s safe to say an experience of rejection has happened to most of us, in some form or another. The decisions we make after that experience can stay with us for years, sometimes without us even realising it. But, what does this mean? It means we might enter a new relationship with thoughts we decided from our past still lingering. The presumptions that ‘he’s too busy, therefore, he doesn’t care’ or ‘she’s not replying to me fast enough so she isn’t that interested’ are created before we’ve even given someone a chance!

Without belittling our experiences, why not change the way we view them? See them as learning curves, as experiences that have shaped the way we are in the world but that do not define us. We cannot change the actions of others, but we can change how we let it affect us. Do we really want to be letting one bad experience in a relationship affect how we view the next?

 

Look out for our next blog post, we’ll be discussing ‘Men & Vulnerability’…

 

*Names have been changed due to confidentiality.

5 Reasons Why You Should Start Using a Matchmaker

We live in the digital age. With the advancements of technology being where they are today, people have never been more reachable than they are now. Through email, texts, voice calls, Facetime, and the countless other platforms so readily accessible to us all, one would naturally assume that the world of dating would become transformed to be much easier and less nerve racking than what it’s conventionally known to be.

So in this age of ‘connections,’ the question remains… ‘why are you still single?’

While more and more online dating apps are making their way into the mainstream, the reality of the situation remains that a vast quantity of people are still finding themselves lost when it comes to dating.

Rather than making dating ‘easier,’ the digital revolution has instead in part redefined the entire dating playbook. The result? Say hello to the ‘hook-up’ culture, where it’s all about what you can get and how fast you can get it. Lust has replaced love and while this arrangement may work perfectly well for many, those who are looking to be a part of a serious and meaningful relationship are finding such platforms to be saturated with false promises and hopes.

Recent stats show that one-third of people that have used online dating apps have never actually been on a date with those they connected with. This, along with the increase of online scamming, lack of authenticity, combined with the rising concerns of safety, have contributed to the downfall of online dating as we see it today.

With half the UK population being single, combined with the declining approval ratings for online dating apps, more and more people are turning to rely on traditional matchmaking to find love.

So what are the perks of using a matchmaker? Here are 5 reasons why it’s a better choice than online dating sites and apps.

1.  Personalised service

We all have our own individual tastes. Some are picky about height, and others have a fancy for green hair. Whatever it is that makes your heart skip a beat, your personalised matchmaker will set out to find you exactly what you’re looking for.

2.  No computers, just real people.


Unlike many online dating sites and apps, matchmakers tend to rely on a more traditional approach when it comes to setting people up. Instead of relying on algorithms which have you filter choices through left or right swipes, a matchmaker will filter candidates based on you own instructions and guidance.

3.  Peace of mind

No more second guessing whether your match is a weirdo has something that they’re hiding from their past, or if they look the same in person as they do in their photos. Using a matchmaker means all candidates have been pre-screened. This ensures that you meet like-minded individuals without any unnecessary doubt.

4.  Safety

According to a recent article published by the Independent, 10% of sex offenders use online dating sites, 3% are psychopaths, and another 10% are scammers. These, of course, are sobering statistics, and perhaps facts that most people are oblivious too. Using a matchmaker ensures that candidates have been vetted and gone through a background check.

5.  Coaching


Sometimes, whether it is by the grace of the cosmos or by sheer luck, you find yourself in the company of someone that makes you feel like you hit the jackpot. More often than not, however, something goes wrong. Maybe it was them. Maybe it was you? With a matchmaker, your relationship doesn’t stop with you getting set up with dates. A key element of a matchmaker is their commitment to providing coaching and support so that you can put your best foot forward and take on the dating scene with full confidence.

While we can be thankful for a great many things that the internet age has given us, what we fail to realise is that you cannot conflate the virtual world with reality. Yes, it can STILL be hard to find someone decent, but it’s not impossible. Instead of shooting in the dark hoping and wishing to catch something good, it’s better to focus efforts towards a trusted source and know that no matter what, you’re bound to be on target. So for all those wondering what’s going to be the next biggest trend in dating, it’s time to get back to basics and say hello to the world of matchmaking.