How do you keep yourself motivated on your relationship journey? You’ve read books, you’ve watched videos, maybe you’ve attended a seminar…
You’re here – which says you’re interested and committed to attracting a great guy. But it can be really difficult to keep going. And there are lots of reasons – from getting discouraged by a throwaway comment from a friend, to talking negatively to yourself, through to unsympathetic family. Keeping the future alive – keeping your eyes on the prize – is one way to ensure you stay inspired.
Habit Two in Stephen Covey’s classic book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is “Begin With The End In Mind”. Now you might be thinking – what on earth does a self-development/ business book have to do with attracting a quality guy? Keep reading for some practical ideas you can use.
Allow Yourself To Dream And Create
Covey’s idea is not just about setting goals in specific areas but also an invitation to examine one’s whole life from this perspective. There is a specific exercise in the book which – at first glance seems morbid – but is powerful. It’s easily adapted to keep you motivated to find a great man.
In the book, Covey suggests imagining your own funeral. At your funeral four people across your life will speak. One from your immediate family, one of your close friends, someone from work, and another from your wider community life. You then imagine what you would like them to say. Not what they would say – but what you would actually want them to say about you.
This exercise allows us to get in touch with our deepest principles and influences. This is a great starting point for understanding how to build our lives around what is really important to us.
I suggest adapting the exercise. Instead of imagining your funeral – imagine your husband/ partner/ significant other is speaking. What would you want him to say? How would you want him to express himself? What would he do? What would he wear? Allow yourself to dream and create.
Get Clarity For Yourself
This exercise gives you some direction for your relationship journey. You can start to see what you really want. The really great part is that it actually influences the actions you take today – right now. (Which incidentally is Habit Three – “Put First Things First”).
More deeply – if that prize, that future, that goal is big enough and inspiring enough – it can keep you motivated on a day-to-day basis. It can shake you out of your discouragement; keep you out of self-sabotage; and it can give you something to refer to when the people around you are excessively negative.
By creating an inspiring future – it’s outside your thoughts and opinions. That incessant self-talk can be overly negative. Having an outward expression can allow you to go beyond the self-talk. A bit like using affirmations to shift thought patterns.
And this is only one future – it can constantly evolve. It’s not fixed – and more than you are. As you grow, so your expression of your inspiring future for your relationship changes. So your ideas will change too. Allow it to do so – remember it’s your creation!
Your inspiring future for your relationship journey isn’t limited to written expression – it could be a vision-board. The visual representation of a collage goes beyond words by using imagery. I have recommended both methods when coaching clients. I’m always amazed by what they create. They’re amazed too at the clarity they get from engaging in the exercise – and you can get this for yourself.
Ideas For Action:
– Set aside time to do the adapted funeral exercise.
– Write down whatever you create. (I recommend completing Covey’s funeral exercise for your wider life anyway, but for Grandeur and Love, focus on the area of relationships).
– Reread what you’ve created after a week – update it if necessary.
– Moving forward, re-read it every few days – hone it if you feel the urge.
– Take a more creative approach and put together a vision board for your future quality guy. Suggestions for vision boarding include:
– Get a whole bunch of old magazines
– Don’t use words – focus on using images and colour
– Have a go at creating one without using scissors – tear paper only
– Remember it’s about articulating something beyond words
– Trust the process – allow the whole picture to emerge – there is no right way to do it!
What do you see about your future on your relationship journey? Let us know in the comments!
This guest post is from James D’Souza – coach and founder of findaniceman.com. As a trained coach and happily married man, he’s committed to giving the women he coaches the tools to create great relationships. His approach focuses on discovering your unique talents to attract a quality man. He’s also one of the coaches supporting Grandeur and Love as part of our authentic and personalised matchmaking service.