We all have that person. They were our first love. She was the one that got away. He is the ex that no one can match up to. There was just something so special about them that they’re still on your mind years later (romanticising is what this is but we’ll get to that later!).
Either way, they were important.
Psychologists have often described the first experience of love a lot like skydiving. You’ll remember the first time you jumped out of an aeroplane a lot more than you’ll remember the 10th time. That first time is the scariest, you don’t know what to expect. It’s exciting, scary, unpredictable and then you have all the expectations to live up to, not forgetting the possibility of rejection…
Sometimes these experiences of love and rejection can stay with us years after they happened, meaning it may be hindering us from the possibility of finding new love and a new partner.
So how do we move on from these past experiences?
Think of it as an experience
Rather than holding on to feelings of love or hate, why not think of it as just an experience that taught you a lot? It happened and we can’t change it so let’s focus on what we can take from the experience and what we can let go of.
Let go of the template
Without realising, it’s easy to put your ex on a pedestal and compare everyone new to them. While it’s important to remember the good, it’s also important to remember the bad. You broke up for a reason so take it as a lesson learned for the future, rather than romanticising the past.
Use this experience as a way to learn about yourself. Learn about what worked and what didn’t work. What did you like about that relationship? What can you work on to make things different with the next partner?
Talk about your experience
Okay, we’re not saying incessantly go on about the relationship but have a healthy conversation about the good times and bad times. Remember that you were with that person for a reason and that you also broke up for a reason.
Actions to move forward
So what’s the next steps?
- Coaching: Coaching provides a practical way of viewing the situation. It allows you to think about what worked and what didn’t and gets you to move forward. Coaching works toward a personal goal which could be finding your life partner.
- Therapy: Therapy focuses on resolving a problem. Why did it happen and how do we solve that problem? How did those experiences make you feel and how do we let go of that?
These experiences that stay with us aren’t about the other person, they’re usually about us and how we felt at that particular time. Are you wishing you could go back to being that youthful? Or maybe it’s because you miss that feeling of being in the honeymoon phase? It’s time to get present and focus on the here and now. Rather than dwelling on the past and what could have been, focus on today and what we can create. Who knows, your life partner may be just around the corner…
We have a range of in-house coaches that can cater to all your personal needs.If you’re interested in finding out more about coaching, please contact us on firstname.lastname@example.org.